Disclaimer and Receipts Explanation:
This post is intended to provide insight into how I came into the social position I’ve stumbled into, as well as providing a little of my personal history and experience. My memory isn’t great and I’m intentionally leaving out a lot of details, so please be patient. And to be fair, I don’t know even most of what has really fed into my adventure. So, this is as close to true and accurate as I can manage at this time.
The Receipts!!! One day I noticed some people got nervous about giving me receipts. I mention later in the post that a few years ago I started collecting receipts as a petty means of getting back at the people who hurt my feelings by selling me things that I didn’t appreciate. Despite the practice beginning as a immature reaction, it quickly developed into a type of ritual intended to serve as an act of forgiveness. The thought being, “I have evidence to prove my brother’s guilt, but out of love for him I will destroy it rather then see him condemned.” If I bought something that hurt my feelings I’d take the receipt check it for numbers that stood out to me, and then throw it in the trash. Usually at home so I can meditate on them before relinquishing them to the Spirit to deal with through the law of forgiveness.
I’ve noticed for years that people don’t like giving me receipts and a part of me has even enjoyed taking the receipts for that reason alone. Sort of like, “well maybe you deserve to sweat for being an asshole”. Until very recently, I have been under the assumption that no harm could possibly come from taking receipts, even if some people were concerned about it, because I wasn’t doing anything with them. They along with any evidence is just being thrown out. I never considered people could be seeing consequences for just having the “potential” of evidence being collected against them, an organization, or institution. I want to make it very clear, I have nothing by way of evidence or testimony that could condemn anyone for anything. An apology dose not due justice for the potential harm my gross oversight and greatest error may have caused. From the depth of my being, I am so sorry for any harm my ignorance has done to anyone. I am making every effort to correct this and any other error of mine that I can.
The Beginning:
Plenty of good stories start at the beginning, so heres mine. My first memory was standing at a door way looking into the void of a dark winter night. It was cold and I knew I was on the edge of the step down and out of the house. I was suddenly shoved into the void of dark and cold, and bonked my head pretty good in the process. My first memory of ever having a spritual experience with another being was about the age of 9. I’m calling it my first empathic “day dream”.
I was a red tail hawk. I tasted what the bird tasted. I felt how my brother, this bird, felt. I understood that because my heart was pure I could see into his heart, which was also pure, and by doing so share in his experience. I told my parents about the dream and I was strongly encouraged to forget the extraordinary moment of being a bird of prey (for the duration of it’s life), and to consider the whole experience as a vivid day dream. Since I was outside and very awake when the experience happened.
During this period, I sustained another severe head injury, and experienced spritual reality for the first time. I devloped a very tangible relationship with my imaginary friend, guardian angel, Jack. Somewhat ironically, I was strongly discouraged by my parents and mentors from expressing myself in a spiritual sense (dance, art, song, and emotion). I wasn’t living in an environment very conducive for spritual growth, so I ignored and even repressed my gifts. I was home schooled until 11. At this age, I began to feel a deep longing for my companion and soulmate.
In August of 2001 I started 6th grade at a public school, and it was a difficult experience for me. I had only ever been home schooled by mother up to this point. I was very behind socially, cognitively, and academically. I was in special education for some time. It was at this age I went from wanting to be a scientist to “knowing” that I would never be smart enough to be one. Although I did have a teacher who planted a seed of hope in me that one day I could go to collage. I decided that I would join the military instead. If I could not have glory then I will at least have honor, or some such bullshit.
Things started to level out for me a little once I began playing sports as a freshman in high school. All three of my best friends had moved away by my junior year, and I was struggling to fit in anywhere. This has actually been a regular struggle throughout my life. I was a very mopy and melodramatic young man. I just felt completely out of place at home or amongst my peers. During my later high-school years I had the most elaborate dreams. Many of them involved me dying or experiencing things I couldn’t explain but felt were very important.
I graduated high school and joined the US Marine Corps enlisted infantry at age 17. I got married to a high school sweetheart at 18, and we had two children together. During my brief tenure as a Marine, I had several more compelling dreams, and a few came to me consciously. One such experience, involving an in-law, was so vivid I that I was certain that it had taken place in physical reality. It didn’t though.
My brother commits sucide in 2011. Out of grief and confusion, I stated seeing and having conversations with Jack again. I was medically retired from the Marine Corps after a little over three years, and my wife and I divorced less than a year after that. I started work on my bachelors degree around this time. I met my son’s mom, at 23. We split up after about two years, and I finished my BA in psychology.
In 2016 my adventure gets “seeded”, and I start a handyman business. The handyman business drastically downsized the following year to just me. That year my sister commits suicide, and I decided live in central Japan for about three months where I started writing poetry and I had my first empathic dreams with other humans. Seeing thier experiences though their eyes. In 2018 I started my massage therapist education, but didn’t finish the 10 month course until 2020. I took a year off of to try and make sense of my life and the little adventure I had gotten myself into.
The Seeding:
My “little” adventure really began about six years ago with a thought seed that was planted by an Elder. My son was about a month old and his mother and I took him to an urgent care clinic for a well baby check up. The doctor, who doesn’t usually get to work with infants so young, was ecstatic about getting to interact with my son.
The doctor was playing with his feet and smiling, when all the sudden said to him, “are you going to help solve some of the world’s problems?” I laughed and said, “Well he’ll probably be at least a good start.” She looked at me with a very serious expression on her face and asked me, “Well what are you doing to help him out.” I had nothing to say for a response.
I had recently graduated from university with Bachelors degree, and I had no plans other than not going a step further in my education until I could bring myself to give a shit about it again. Her question haunted me though. What was I doing to help my kids be a positive force in the world? What was I doing to be a positive force myself? The answer was that I wasn’t really doing anything.
I figured there was no way I could change the world, but I could at leat be a good example for my children. I hoped that by doing so they would have the opportunity to chang the world for themselves. The beginning of my Hero path opened up to me as me making the choice to be (setting the internet to become) a good example to my children and loved ones. I learned later that thus choice was also fueled by my unconcous quest to reunite with my soulmate. Fast forward only few years from this pivotal point in my life, a couple beak ups and several poor life decisions later, and I find myself at the brink of the unknown, and in a total state of total panic. Here’s what happened…
The Story (My side of it at least):
About 10 years ago I met a man at church who quickly became a dear friend of mine. Let’s name him Carl. I was a young Marine without many friends and he was kind of an abnormal type, and a Navy veteran, so I felt like we had a lot in common. I ended up as his neighbor a few months after we met, and we spent a lot of time together. He’s about 15 or more years older than me and was the big brother figure in my life at the time. I was married, and my oldest daughter was born around the time I met Carl and his family. We all would spend time togther as a family regularly (he, his wife, and four kids).
Carl and his family end up moving out of state, and a few years later my family and I go to visit him. On that trip he invites me on an outing to meet some of his club members. We went shooting and talked about military experiences. Later while my friend and I were playing pool he mentions that the club he’s a member of is actually a motorcycle club, and the feeling of brotherhood he found amongst them was more meaningful than what he had found in the military. Brotherhood and community something we frequently talked about.
He told me that it’s essential to be a part of a brotherhood and community that can protect itself. I agreed but I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. He invites me to join the club, and I said no thanks. I was going to university and was already in more clubs than I could manage (Psi Chi and other academic clubs), and my church responsibilities were already taking up what little free time I had left.
I got divorced, left the church, got engaged, graduated, and was dumped by my sons mother over about a two year period. Losing contact with most of the people I was friends with, but not with Carl. I went out to visit him with often, and he came to visit me once as well. On one visit a new friend of mine named Cody (not real name) went with me. This was about five years ago. On that trip, cody and I stayed with my Carl and his family ar his house.
When Carl has a chance to talk to me alone, he again asks me if I would be interested in joining his club since I wasn’t in school and wasn’t a memeber of my church anymore. I said I was focused on my handyman business right now, but that I would think about it. That evening we stayed up most of the night smoking cannabis and talking. I woke up in the late afternoon the next day with a brutal headache from all the smoking. Carl, his wife, and at least a few of his kids were gone, which left me, my new friend, and at least one of his kids still at the house.
I asked his youngest kid, a 13 year old young woman, if they had any pain killers for my headache.This tenacious, and comically treacherous, young lady gives me a broken blue pill and tells me it’s naproxen, but it was actually a high dose of Ambien. While my new friend was busy doing his homework in the bedroom he and I were using, I laid down on the living room floor and played on my phone waiting for the headache to fade. The young woman comes up to me and starts brushing my hair.
I had long hair at the time and she would often brush and braid it whenever I came to visit. I quickly fell asleep. I woke up laying on my side, Carl’s wife yelling and kicking me in the legs, and with my face in the young lady’s crotch. Not being fully conscious yet I staggered into Carl’s bed and fell back asleep. That evening I woke to him sitting next to me on his bed. He asked what happened and I had no idea what he was talking about I completely forgot how I ended up in his bed or where the day went.
Carl told me that I had hurt someone becuse I got out of my mind drunk but he knew that I didn’t mean to so it was alright becuse I was his family and he could trust me to help him when he askes for it. I was under the impression that I got drunk and played too rough with one of his kids. I sometimes forget my strength when I drink too much, and occasionally I hit harder or wrestle with more force than I intend.
I left Carl’s room a little confused and found Cody still working on his homework. He had a puffy face and very red eyes, as if he had been sobbing uncontrollably several minutes before but was starting to recover. I asked him what was wrong and he said he was frustrated about his homework. It didn’t make any sense to me but I assumed it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about so I just let it go.
The rest of the trip was fun and nothing stood out to me as unusual. Cody and I drove back to Utah and he told me that he’d love to go with me again for another visit in the future. Me and him went back for another trip to visit Carl, and on this trip my daughters came with us. Cody ended up staying with other friends in the area for this one though.
About two years later, and a few more visits with Carl, I’m a few months into massage school now. I am considering rejoining the church I had been raised in, the one I had left four years before. I’ve recognized my role as a healer at this point. I am on a visit with Carl and his family, and he asks me for a third time to join his club. At this point I fully understand that joining his club ment hurting other people and was not legal, so I tried to brush off the request with a “maybe later.”
Carl basically demands an answer. He offers me a number of things if I say yes. His 15 year old daughter was among them. I refused and indignantly told him that his child wasn’t property for him to just give away. He tells me that he’s only been holding back because he was hoping that I’d accept his offer without using force. Carl warns me that he could have done away with me at anytime for hurting his kid. He explained that the only reason he hadn’t done so yet because he thought he and I were family. But obviously I was no longer family since I couldn’t be reasoned with. Carl said something along the lines of, “well now you’ve proven to me that we’re not brothers so I’m going to stop treating you like family”. I left a day or two after, and apart from that tense conversation nothing else unusual happened.
A few months later, a week or two after getting baptized for a second time, I started sensing danger in places I hadn’t noticed it before. It began as a subtle understanding for and about the people I was spending time with. I found myself interacting more and more with people eager to be my friend, but who gave me the creeps for some undefinable reason. Thankfully, I learned how to sense murderous intent as a child so the the folks who try to harm me are fairly easy to spot when they start to get serious about it.
A few months later, it became very clear that some people were likely trying to hurt me and intentionally seeking me out to do so. Up until this point I assumed that I was drawn to these dangerous people for unconsciously self-destructive reasons. One of the people who just appeared and wanted to be friends ended up providing me with more information than I think he intended to, which confirmed my suspicions. Someone had put a “hit” out for me.
Having no idea what actually comes with getting a metphirical pay day stapled to my ass, I straight up panick. I had no idea why or how someone would try to kill me. I stated carrying a side arm with me everywhere i went, staying up for unhealthy lengths of time, and preparing my house for some kind of an assault. I needed information so I kept spending time with the one who leaked the insight and I gathered that I had been labeled a pedophile and that’s why there was hit out for me.
I couldn’t think of any case where I could have ever been confused as a pedophile, so I meditated on it and Carl’s face vividly appeared in my mind. I thought over everything he had ever said about the day I had hurt one of his kids and I realized that by hurt he meant molested. Unfortunately, I’m not very bright and I tend to overlook simple explanations in favor of the ones I had come to assume, namely that I was a fuck-up and that I came from a long line of fuck-ups. So the thinking was something along the lines of, “There is definitely someone trying to kill me, and it is definitely because they think I’m child molester.”
Arriving at this illogical conclusion, I panick again. This time paired with despair that I probably deserved the hit becuse I had harmed a young lady that I Loved. I didn’t know what actually happened though. In a state of manic fear, I confide in my closest friends about what I think is going on. One of them was recording all of our conversations, but I didn’t catch him at it for some time. For the most part, my friends were understanding but they made it very clear that they thought I was acting crazy and that they weren’t going to put up with any of it.
I decide to run away to Japan. I load up my truck with the bare essentials and hit the road heading North. I planned on going to Washington State, parking my truck and leaving the country as soon as I could. I confided in my best friend on the way, and he listened to me with an open mind and encouraged me to think about what I was doing. I asked to borrow some money and he agreed to help me. I got to Washington and received a very concerned phone call from a mother figure at that time. She wanted to know what I was doing and why.
She easily convinces me to come back to Utah and check myself into the Salt Lake VA hospital psych ward. It is fathers day when i check in, and a stay for a few weeks. I leave the hospital and decide not to run anymore. I would face whatever comes with courage and try to figure out what was going on along the way. In my heart just hoping for an opportunity to resolve the issue peacefully and clear my social standing.
I make the commitment that I will no longer allow fear of any kind to dictate the course of my life. I ended up returning to Japan, and this time with the friend who was recording my conversations him. He and I stay there for about 6 weeks I think. When I get back I manage to finish and sell my house, which was a major triumph. I also sign away my custodial rights to my children, which to this day was the most difficult decision of my life. I finished massage therapy school. The tools I am handed there continue to prove themselves my most powerful for healing. There’s something special for me about the literal laying on of hands.
All the while, I am constantly looking over my shoulder and keeping a sharp eye out for the murderous types, and there turned out to be many of them. I started a journal while I was in the hospital and I used it to keep track of my developing theory of the organization and individuals who were trying to kill me, as well as any relevant general criminal activity that i noticed. I got it in my head that I wouldn’t be able to ask the authorities, namely the FBI, for any help until I had enough evidence to support my claim, which proved much more difficult than I had expected.
I was prepared to die for the evidence if need be. My intention is that if someone was going to manage to kill me then I want my death to count for something. I really wanted my name cleared as well (due to family dynamics and personal insecurities), and I was willing to do whatever I could to get the evidence that could bring in assistance or even salvation. I decide that I want to leave the country again, and this time for a good long while to see if leaving the area would satisfy as a peaceful resolution.
I attempt to get a job teaching English in Japan. While waiting for paperwork and some financial things to sort out, I get antsy becuse I realize that I was living in a very unsafe environment and the longer I remain the more dire the situation becomes. I decide leave the area as soon as possible. I choose to spend time Hawaii, and remain there until my paperwork and applications go through. I get there and am financially unprepared for my stay.
I visit with a friend for the first two weeks and then I find a room at a communal house in one of the towns on the outskirts of the city. I start working as a day laborer, but have the intention of being employed as massage therapist soon. Ideally, I’d just do massage in Hawaii until I got cleared to go overseas and teach. Even if it took a year, I could earn enough to doing massage to live comfortably. Unfortunately, COVID 19 quarantines kicks off. A few weeks after the quarantine regulations begin, I start sensing murderous vibes again.
I make every effort to do what I can to defend myself and figure out who amoung my house mates were trying to come after me. Due to an increasing sense of imminent danger and with a severe lack of information, I become behaviorally eratic and emotionally unstable. Over whelmed by a feeling of dread, and with an iron clad grip on my commitment not to react fearfully, I start trying to set up the people I recognized were hitmen in a misguided attempt to initiate some kind of resolution.
In an incredible moment of gross ignorance and unimaginable misunderstanding, I start calling out the hitmen and do things that made it seem like I knew what I was doing and that I was supported by a powerful organization. I assumed, if I convinced them I wasn’t someone to mess with then they will probably just leave me alone. I knew who of my house mates were most invested in hurting me, but I didn’t know how or when. I keep experimenting with what I know and theories. I remain hyper observant, and maintain a battle ready mindset.
Most of this time felt like I was just waited around for someone to make a move, so I could engage them and hopefully end up with evidence I need to prove my situation to law enforcement. I figured capturing or killing a hit man in the act would qualify as sufficient evidence. My bluff of being a spy or something turned out to be such a bad idea, though it did seem to work at first. Everyone in the house I was concerned with backed off, and they stopped going into my room when I wasn’t at the house.
I had a friend from massage school, Casey, who was interested in coming out to stay with me in Hawaii and I saw it as an opportunity to play up my bluff. Long short of this part if the story, everything back fired! The pressure and movements of the other occupants became incredibly dynamic and much more concerning. Looking behind, they were probably much more afraid of me than I was of them because I was so unpredictable and, weather they knew it or not, dangerously ignorant. I don’t have enough evidence to offer, but I was in way over my head now so I go to the nearest police station. I ask for help and maniacally try to explain my situation as best I could after I filled out a hasty police report.
A few days later I meet with a detective, and the whole interaction proved to be utterly unhelpful. Casey shows up and after a few days with her there, the shit show hits a whole new threshold concerning. Casey and I part ways, and the next day I decide to get the hell off the island. I felt deeply that the island was protecting me during my stay there, and when it was time for me to go it provided means for me to leave safely. As I am walking out the back door, a black suburban and old tan sudan skid to a stop in front of the house.
In another epic state of panic, I flea to the airport and get on the first flight I could back to main land. I got there in a real hurry because I was really worried for the people I was confiding in at the time. When I made it back everything ended up being fine with the people I was worried about, and I stayed with this friend for a little while before going to live with my best friend. At this point I start to fully grasp the scale of criminal activity that exists just below the surface of our society.
Thanks to whatever I did to piss off the people in Hawaii, there is now a disturbing percentage of the population expressing murderous intentions towards me. At this point, I decide it’s time to reach out for help again. Meeting with the detective before was a massive waste of time, so I figured I should just reach out to the FBI directly. I was seeing a federally sized issue that seems to be going on checked. I really just assumed they’d be interested in the unimaginable shit storm I accidentally discovered. Despite still having next to no evidence in support of my theory.
I get on the phone with someone and try to explain as much of my situation as I can along with whatever I think might be useful in a general way. I’m assuming most all of it was completely meaningless though. The person who took my call asks if there is anything else I could think of, and I said that I learned a few passphrases along the way but I don’t know what they are for or how to use them. I’m told that someone will contact me if more information is needed. I feel a strong sense of relief and that I’d get the help that I have been in need of.
Shortly after my one sided chat with the FBI I have an abrupt and heartbreaking fallout with my best friend and his family. I decide that I wasn’t going to try and collect evidence anymore unless instructed by a government agency to so. All this time I’m having incredible dreams, and I realize that my interactions in the “cognitive realm” were directly relating to my interactions in the “physical realm.” I started having empathic dreams that showed me the experiences of people I loved and even the experiences of complete strangers. I hone in my ability and start to learn that it has many very useful applications.
I figure I should find somewhere else to live and preferably some place I’d like to remain. Some place suitable for my spirit and room for me to put down roots. Maybe a miserable summer in California inspired it, but I decide to spend the winter in central Alaska. While I was there I learned a lot more about how society functions and I start to figure out how everyone does what they do. I also get really really good at meditation and empathic viewing (seeing through the eyes of others).
I’m still being looked at as a pedophile, which is very upsetting, but at some point I realize that I’m being accused of raping a child not molesting one. Before, I was under the assumption that the whole issue steemed from me getting drunk and playing to rough with a child and it was confused with doing something sexual, which does seem like something I would do. Rape is a whole different degree of harm and one that requires a certain personality traits to preform. To the best of my knowledge, I do not possess these personally traits consciously nor unconsciously, so the whole thing made no sense to me all over again. How could I have committed a crime that I am incapable of preforming? This is not a matter of misunderstanding, as I assumed it was.
Using my blossoming abilities I learned that there was evidence of some kind standing against me. Apparently, this fabricated evidence is so compelling that several who observe it seem to think there is little to no room for doubt that it is the truth. Additionally, although I would not know until later, no one even really cared whether or not I was actually guilty of the crime o was being accused of. While living alone in Fairbanks and in a deeply depressed state, I start having more meaningful conversations with Jack.
Jack inspired me to demanded that the Spirit show me what actually happened and to “Just get over it already”. I set the intention still my mind and emotions to the point I am uninvested in the answer, and I am shown the truth about what had happened that evening with Carl’s daughter. I see her with her father’s bottle of ambien. I see her wait until I was delirious before nudging my face towards her crotch. I see Cody walk into the living room and witness what was going on and then just turn and walk away. I remembered waking up in the living room with Carl’s wife and daughter.
After a brief period of shock and awe, I start laughing because the whole situation with this young lady is so ridiculous that it couldn’t possibly be true. I couldn’t even bring myself to be angry at her, and I really wanted to be angry for the injustice of my situation, but I could only laugh and feel a sense of appreciation and acceptance that I never would have considered possible for someone in my situation. Thanks to the revalation, I decide that I will trust my own interpretation of reality and discernment of others from then on.
A few months later I hit an interesting threshold of consciousness and feel like I had evolved in some way. This was in early 2021. I could sense the intentions of others, and I started to actively seek out and locate people in the cognitive realm. Dreaming started feeling more real than waking. After a while I realize that I can do things that I didn’t think were possible. I understand people in a much more holistic way. My instincts are much shaper and my perceptions much deeper. I start being able to see people through their own eyes.
I learn the power of semantic context, and how to tell the difference between what is meant rather than what is said. At some point people started seeing me differently, some started getting concerned when I looked them in the eyes, touched them, or asked for receipts. Aside, I can usually tell when someone’s being an asshole and the ones that think that no one knows that they’re being an asshole are the most interesting to me. For my own petty and selfish reasons, I’d sometimes ask for receipts just as a means to call people out on their assholeness. I’d just toss them out afterwards though.
Before long folks start getting nervous when I come around, and this is true no matter where I go, when I go there, or how many people are in the area. When I leave Fairbanks in the early summer, I drive my car back to Utah. I float around a little bit but end up back in Ogden, which is one of those place that just feels like home to me. I start work as a massage therapist at a spa there. I develope my understanding of nurturing touch to the point I can now provide tremendous energy for the healing for all sorts of energetic and physiical hurts, sometimes even just by imagining to touch someone. My ability to learn develops further and I begin a “self-fulfillment” course, which increases my understanding and abilities exponentially.
A single night of vivid dreaming seems like a lifetime of experiences. I learn that I, along with everyone else afflicted with the gift of being human, am capable of anything when I act from a spiritual realm intention (or cognitive frequency of thought). Anything else, isn’t enough to hold up against the real monsters of the void anyway, so I invest everything in my spiritual work. Doing so affords me, along with everyone esle who can sense and respond to the promoting of the Spirit, special protection and greater access to spritual authority.
After a few months of living in Ogden, I get fired from my massage job for calling out too many times. Jack tells me that I’m getting to clingy and that I need to spend more time with human people. He said, “I’ll come back after your wife shows up and the two of get acquainted.” Though absence of his insight, humor, and strength is felt on a daily basis, he left me with several lesser gardians to protact, guide, and keep me company. They have been a great comfort to me during my periods of isolation and depression. A month or so later, I move out of my apartment to fend off a feeling of stagnation, and live out of my car for a little as I toured my country.
I tour the Southern portion of the US first, and then I visit all of the North West of the US. I ended up back in Northern Utah, where I heard the call to travel abroad (Luke 4:24). I live in Seoul, Korea for about 3 months, and I learn of the power that comes from a unified people. I live in Helsinki, Finland for about a month, and I learn that whatever is of qoulity will ways out last that which is not, or of lessor qoulity. I live in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania for about a month. Where I truely hear the words of the Prophet Muhammad (and understood him), and I learn the source of humanities great hurt.
I return to the States and live two more months in Northern Utah. I decide it is time to come home to Fairbanks, which is at least in the general area of where I want to put down my roots. I spend the first few weeks working at a local dinner as a host. I move into a dry cabin on the outskirts of town. I intend to start teaching as a substitute and begain my work as a massage therapist. Ideally preforming massage at my own office.
My Take on Things at This Point:
The consequences of my adventure, at least as it pertains to others, just keeps expanding and building on itself. My experience has taught me that usually humans see what we want to see in our personal heroes and villains. Some people think I’m some kind of sage, others would argue that I’m some kind of super nark. “He’s a jesus”! “No, he’s the dark lord”. “He’s got something in his hand”! “He’s definitely a phoney”. “How does he do it”!?
The truth is, I’m not really doing anything. I do not act from the perspective of the ego. I act on the perspective of Spirit, which 10,000 times more scary at first. However, if one can learn how to “depend” on, or trust, the Spirit then one will have more access to it’s power and protection. Trusting nature, instinct, and divine timing is a symptom of a person who is on the Hero path. Whatever is seen in me, or witnessed for me, is a reflection of the Faith and Grace found within the observer. The “miracle” is not for me, at least not exclusively, it is for the observers. So I’m not doing anything you, the observer, is.
I would define myself as a gifted, cognitively impared, deeply sincere, and emotionally damaged young man. I am not special or different from anyone esle who walks the Hero path. Also, it’s worth reminding that being a Hero has literally nothing to do with whatever bullshit “alignment” matric you or your culture may have adopted. Being a Hero is about being sincere and increasing the quality of your consciousness. There are literally infinite ways for Spirit level quality to manifest for person.
I have learned how to access Source power through the Spirit, which is the most direct path to it. It is the birthright of all humans. This power doesn’t come from anything lower than the spiritual realm, and therefore is the highest quality that can be accessed from the perspective of physical reality. Consequently, there is also another way to access Source power and it is through the cognitive realm, but it’s worth noting that it is a grossly inefficient method of collecting substantial energy.
The greater your quality of consciousness, or the more productive of a servent to concousness you are, the more access energy you will have. The more energy you have the more authority you earn to manifest reality. This is true for spiritual and cognitive level qoulity. However, the difference in access to potential energy at the cognitive level compared to the spiritual level is like comparing the potential energy output of the Moon to the Sun (over its entire lifetime).
I may be a unique example by some standards, but I am really just as much of a byproduct of my life’s adventure as anyone esle is the byproduct of theirs. An interesting fact, all we Heroes share a part in the adventure of all the other Heroes who have gone before and who will come after. The people and places I’ve interacted with have shaped and honed me into what I currently am, and it is for those people and places that I am as I am. And what I am is a servant and a teacher.
My Theory on Why:
The obvious answer is “why not?” A more intresting question is, “for whom?” And the truth is that it’s for the people, the children of the Earth Mother. For life and the defense of life. Despite my best intentions and effort, many have suffered because of my adventure and I mourn deeply for all those I know have suffered, and for all those I don’t know of yet. I am sorry for any harm I have ever caused anyone. I’ve only ever ment to understand and to help in any way that I can.
Using hindsight, other meditations, and a great deal of self-reflection over the period of about three years, I developed a theory about what has motivated others to act in the manner they have and how it’s influenced the course of my life, and visa versa. My intention is to share all these insights, including any in the future, that I’ve collected during my research and field testing my theories. “A Hero’s Calling” and my future writing projects are a means of sharing my findings.
Learning how I ended up on this little adventure of mine was very important to me. It turns out the “how” is a completely meaningless question. I no longer consider the how relevant, and I’ve moved beyond deflut insecurities. As it turns out most of the issues I have about certain social programs are really just about how I’ve been socially programmed (thought experiments are very helpful).
Becuse of predisposition, divine timing, and an unsual allotment of great fortune and terrible luck, I experience reality mostly on the physical plain but also on the cognitive and spritual plains at the same time. There are a great many people who experience this also, I think of them as shepherds and prophets, and I think many don’t realize what they are. When my Elder called me out for sitting on my ass when there was work to be done, I set the intention to grow and be the very best I could for the good of my loved ones. I think on some level she new I was shepherd and that I needed to get to work.
The intention to be the example for my children altered the course of my life and set me on my path, which is also a path of peace and justice. “What is a good man but a bad man’s teacher. What is a bad man but a good man’s material” – Lao Tzu. Spiritual development requires relationships in order to take place. Every human exisits within a relationship to another human. There aren’t really such things as heroes or villains, but every individual is the villain or the hero of someone else’s story. One can argue that all that is is only God. God is the perfect union of void and substance. One can gravitate towards either primary aspect of God, but many are only in service to their ego. If one aims for that which is finite and powerless than that is what one is.
The people I thought were the worst turned out to be the best, in terms of preparing me for this adventure. Regardless of whatever motivated the cause in my relationships with other humans, the effect has always been positive in a long term sense. I am certain that this has to do with being on the Hero path, which can also be defined has being a productive (or learning) aspect of consciousness. Clearly, things continue to evolve in every conceivable way.
There’s so much more to share about all I’ve seen and learned, but this is a new medium for me, and I’m saving all the good stuff for my book on Unity. Even still, there is much that can’t be shared through the written word. I invite productive questions and meaningful, or at least humorous, conversations because sincere discourse is as close as we can get to Spirit level quality without experiencing it for ourselves. There’s so much more behind the curtains of what can be written or explained.
Infact the really good stuff can only be experienced, but may sometimes require great effort and courage. Maybe my ramblings and atrocious spelling and grammatical errors aren’t interesting or meaningful to you. Or worse, there too meaningful to you. Please develop your own theory and have the curage to test it. A simple willingness to learn something new may be all it takes to kickstart the the latent Power that rests within you.
Why? Because why the hell not!? Being powerful is a lot more fun then pretending to be. I am an example, a champion for Love. And definitely not the only one. Every human has the potential to be a Hero, but too few seem to have the courage to initiate this power within themselves. Love is power. Power is spirit. Spirit is reality and everything else is not.
Serve Love, and all of reality serves you. Becuse all of reality exists for you when you express unconditional Love. Love doesn’t esiait in a vacuum or a straight line. Love is in the expression of Love, which requires someone, or something, to receive it. Love is a ring. Unconditional Love = Vulnerability, Faith, Gratitude, Compassion, Forgiveness, Play, Development, and probably an infinite number of other things.
My Life Mission Statement:
“Always Faithful; Honor, Courage, Commitment.”
“I am governed by gratitude, driven by love, and guided by faith. I seek after honor and I am committed to my course. I allow room for the will of my creator and with courage I accept. I am the adventurer who finds new ways, I am the healer who lengthens days. I am the teacher who touches the heart, I am the dancer who dances apart. I am the lover who knows no restrain, I am the artist who understands pain. I am the friend who is a worthy opponent, I am the father who is there in the moment. I am the gardener who feeds his neighbor, I am the warrior who is peaceful by nature.”
(Prelude–The Collected Poems of Hafiz)
Hither, hither, O ye weary, O ye sons of wail and woe, Ye, who’ve proved the hollow shimmer of this world of fleeting show, Ye, who’ve seen your hearts’ hopes vanish, like the firstlings of the snow.
Ye, who scorn the brutal bondage of this world of misbelief, Ye, who bear the royal blazon of the heart afire with grief, Hearken, hearken, to my calling; for I proffer you relief.
I am he whom men call teller of the things that none may see, Tongue of speech of the Unspoken, I am he that holds the key Of the treasuries of vision and the mines of mystery.
I am he that knows the secrets of the lands beyond the goal, I am he that solves the puzzles of the sorrow-smitten soul, I am he that giveth gladness from the wine-enlightened bowl;
I am he that heals the wounded and the weary of their scars, I am Hafiz, son of Shiraz, in the pleasant land of Fars, Where I flung my flouting verses in the faces of the stars.
See, my hands are full of jewels from the worlds beyond the tomb: Here be pearls of perfect passion from the middle dreamland’s womb; Here be amethysts of solace, for the purging of your gloom:
Here be rubies red and radiant, of the colour of the heart, Here be topazes sun-golden, such as rend the dusk apart, Here be sapphires steeped in heaven, for the salving of your smart.
If your souls are sick with sorrow, here is that which shall appease; If your lips are pale with passion, here is that which hath the keys To the sanctuaries of solace and the halidomes of ease.
Let the bigot tend his idols, let the trader buy and sell; Ears are theirs that cannot hearken to the tale I have to tell, Eyes that cannot sec the treasures which are open to my spell.
Where is he that’s heavy-laden? Lo, my hand shall give him peace. Where are they that dwell in darkness? I am he that can release. Where is he that’s world-bewildered? I will give his cares surcease.
Hither, hither, with your burdens! I have that shall make them light. I have salves shall purge the earth-mists from the fountains of your sight; I have spells shall raise the morning in the middest of your night.
Come, O doubt-distracted brother! Come, O heavy-burthened one! Come to me and I will teach you how the goal of rest is won; Come and I will cleave your darkness with the splendours of the Sun.
Leave your striving never-ending; let the weary world go by; Let its bondmen hug their fetters, let its traders sell and buy; With the roses in the garden we will sojourn you and I.
Since the gladness and the sadness of the world alike are nought, I will give you wine to drink of from the ancient wells of thought, Where it’s lain for ages ripening whilst the traders sold and bought.
What is heaven, that we should seek it? Wherefore question How or Why? See, the roses are in blossom; see, the Sun is in the sky; See, the land is lit with summer; let us live before we die.
–Hafiz